


With a Weight Upon My Chest (and a Ghost Upon My Back)

by Would_die_for_fitzsimmons



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28047294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Would_die_for_fitzsimmons/pseuds/Would_die_for_fitzsimmons
Summary: This time they knew it would never be the same.Jemma collapsed to the floor in inconsolable agony at the news, her grief pouring out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. Daisy sank down beside her, pulling the girl close to her chest, unable to keep her own tears at bay.
Relationships: Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Melinda May
Comments: 17
Kudos: 20





	With a Weight Upon My Chest (and a Ghost Upon My Back)

This time they knew it would never be the same.

Jemma collapsed to the floor in inconsolable agony at the news, her grief pouring out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. Daisy sank down beside her, pulling the girl close to her chest, unable to keep her own tears at bay. May ran an ash-covered hand through her hair, trying not to look at Coulson – finding comfort in the steady beeps of the heart rate monitor. They sat on the floor for what felt like an eternity, until Jemma had sobbed herself into a dreamless sleep.

<>

When Jemma woke up, she was in her own bed. She stretched her arm over to pull herself closer to Fitz; then fell from heaven, through the earth and down to the deepest depths of her own hell where his warmth was nowhere to be found. She sat bolt upright and ran into the bathroom, retching into the sink. She turned on the tap to rinse away the evidence of her dismay as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and reached for her toothbrush. Her breath hitched when she saw that Fitz had left the toothpaste lid off again – Jemma supposed it was the last time. Taking a deep breath, she plucked the toothbrush out of the cup and went to pick up the toothpaste. She couldn’t do it. It was so painfully domestic that it felt wrong to disturb it, and so she left it there, in its blissful scene from the prior morning. Jemma would have to deal with the foul lingering taste for now. 

<>

Daisy jumped to her feet as soon as Jemma walked into the cramped communal kitchen. She had made two cups of tea over an hour ago but both were now cold. She had needed to stop herself from making three; stuck in the routine of making a cup for each of them every morning since the bus. Routines were hard to break. Jemma picked at her bottom lip, already forgetting what it felt like to kiss her husband. She didn’t want to forget. She couldn’t forget.

“I don’t...” She shook her head, lip quivering with the threat of tears, “I don’t want to forget.” 

Forgetting meant not knowing; and when the thing you forget you can’t learn again – that’s when things get tricky.

<>

May's hands trembled as she opened the door to the room Fitz was being kept in. She didn’t want to go in; but there were some things that just needed to be said.

She took a shaky breath in, and then a slightly more stable one out. 

In 

Out.

In.

“Fitz. I doubt you can even hear me... You know better than anyone that neither of us ever believed in all that religious crap, but for their sake – for Jemma's sake. I hope there is a heaven. And you had better be looking over her. You made me promise a very long time ago that I would look after her, and you know damn well that I'm gonna do it. Not that she needs it nowadays. I remember that first day when you two walked onto that plane. You were too young. Too young.” She faltered, taking the moment to think about what to say next. Maybe there was nothing else to say. Or nothing that could sum up all she needed it to. She took a breath. “I never said this when you were, when you were... alive. But I love you Fitz. And I always will.”

“He loves you too you know?”

It was Coulson. His breathing was laboured and his skin had a somewhat grey hue. 

“What are you doing out of bed?” May said, rushing to the man’s side and wrapping her left arm around his waist, taking some of the weight off his feet. He shrugged with a tight-lipped smile and a wince, unable to hide the immeasurable pain from the wars raging inside his body. 

May helped him back to the sick bay, ignoring his protests at the blood pressure cuff and EKG stickers. 

She let herself breathe out. He was safe. She couldn’t lose anyone else.

<>

Jemma couldn’t face going back to the bunk she shared with Fitz. Used to share with Fitz. She fought sleep for hours, watching as Daisy grew more and more tired – desperate to stay awake for Jemma. 

“I can’t do it.” The girl mumbled, voice thick with exhaustion and grief.

“What was that Jems?” Daisy returned.

“I can’t go back there. I can’t sleep in that bed without him, I can’t brush my teeth because he just had to leave the bloody lid off the toothpaste yesterday – if I touch that, then I’ll have lost him. If I open the closet then his clothes won’t smell like him anymore. If I pick up his phone then his fingerprints will be gone from the screen. If I go in that room then he’s gone, and he can’t be gone. I need him.” Tears spilled out from her squeezed-shut eyes, splashing down onto the book she had been pretending to read for the past hour.

Daisy brushed Jemma's hair out of her face, tilting up her chin and softly sighing at her friend's tear-tracked face and trembling lower lip.

“We’re gonna be okay.” She reassured.

<>

Jemma slept in Daisy's bunk that night. Then the night after that, and for weeks after that. Until one day, she sat upright at almost 3 in the morning.

“You alright?” Daisy sleepily slurred, well accustomed to a nightmare from either one of them at least three times a week.

“Yeah, I just,” she began “I’ve just had a thought. About Fitz.”

Jemma knew what to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the incredible T for being the best beta anyone could ever ask for!


End file.
